Can't Not Exist
by the2marauders
Summary: "And so she felt a certain type of gratitude to James Potter for doing what she didn't have the guts to do. Because the prick deserved it. For once, she felt that Snape deserved exactly what James Potter sent his way. And how screwed up was that?"
1. Prologue

Hello friends! What can I say. James and Lily are just the best things in the entire world. I wish I could eat frozen yogurt with them *sigh* Well anyways, enjoy! :)

Oh. And I don't own anything Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling, you've got all the credit!

* * *

><p><strong>PROLOGUE<strong>

They absolutely loathed each other. She loathed him for being a self-centered prick, and he loathed her for not loving him like he did her. But somehow they had ended up in each others company for hours on the cold autumn's night of October 17, 1976. Somehow, she ended up telling him everything, and he ended up telling her everything. And somehow, just somehow, she ended up falling head over heels for him (which he had no problem reciprocating).

But that's not where our story starts. That is -in fact- quite distant from where this story begins. Because you see, this story begins with a boy named Severus, a boy named James, a scourgify spell, and the one and only Lily.

It was a cool, spring afternoon. Another OWL was now a part of their past. Lily Evans, along with her friends, were taking a stroll outside, taking a break from the pressures of school, enjoying the fresh air that they hadn't allowed themselves for the past few weeks.

She was perfectly at ease, laughing with her friends about the most insignificant of things. Her smile was large and genuine. She was so happy to feel this happy again.

But the thing about life that Lily often noticed was that it's not very fair. In the moments where happiness seems to abound, the unfoldings of anger don't stand too far behind.

"Wash out your mouth! Scourgify!"Lily immediately felt anger boiling in her blood. She raised herself off the cool grass, her friends still oblivious, and walked briskly to where the group had gathered.

As she neared the center, she saw her friend bent on his hands and knees, a constant flow of bubbles moving from his mouth to the ground. Potter held his wand pointed at Severus, his own wand thrown off to the side. He was so helplessly being humiliated and not a single soul was doing anything to stop it. She quickly scanned the group of people. Among them were five of Lily's fellow prefects. None of them were doing anything to help Severus! They were laughing. LAUGHING! Except for Remus, but he may as well have been, considering all he was doing was sitting under the stupid tree reading his stupid book not doing anything to fix this stupid situation that had been caused by his stupid friends. She had to put an end to this.

"Leave him alone!" she shouted, anger and desperation resounding in her voice.

Potter looked up from watching Snape and, at seeing Lily, ran his hand through his hair as always. 'Alright, Evans?' he'd said!

"Leave him alone or I swear..." she closed her eyes, as if trying to regain composure. "What has he ever done to you?"

And so the story goes, where Lily yells and James yells and then Lily yells again and James yells again. It's quite a constant rotation. But eventually the vicious cycle comes to an end, and not quite differenlyt from all the other times, Potter gives in first. But of course, he has to take one last dig at Severus before he goes, and this is what he says.

"You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus-"

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

And that was it. That was the beginning. And the end. The end of Lily and Severus's friendship. And the beginning of Lily and James's... something. It's not sure what exactly it is yet.

"Evans! Evans!" She heard him calling after her. She was briskly walking up the hills to the Entrance Hall. Tears burned her eyes. But it felt more like betrayal.

She entered the Entrance Hall and quickly ran up the stairs step by step. He however took the stairs three steps at a time, and so by the second landing, he was able to grab her wrist and turn her around to face him.

Her eyes were red. Her face was blotchy. The bags under her eyes were apparent. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyes were more green than ever. She was a mess. But she was beautiful.

"What do you want?" she asked with a pained expression.

"I want to make sure you're okay..."

"Why _would _I be?! That was so... so... humiliating." Her face scrunched up, a new set of tears about to start. "I have to go," she said, and she wrenched her wrist from his grasp.

"Evans!" She halted where she was on the fourth step. "I'm really sorry."

She stared at him. Her eyes bore into his. He was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable. And after a long while, she finally spoke. "You should be." And with that she walked away.

* * *

><p>Yes, yes. Sad? Just read the first paragraph again and remember, they're going to be together EVENTUALLY :P Patience, readers!<p>

ReviewReviewReview! All my love!


	2. Chapter 1: Not as Planned

Hello hello! Here's chapter 1. Please do enjoy. Comments, questions, concerns? Just leave them in a review and I'll do my best to address them!

Yes, we all do know that I am in fact not J.K. Rowling and own nothing Harry Potter. Because... let's face it, if I was, I wouldn't be sitting here at my chromebook... :/

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 1: Not as Planned<strong>

Summer had come and gone for Lily. But at the same time, it had dragged without Severus by her side. She'd lingered around home, gone shopping a few times, and had actually managed to get Petunia to go to the beach with her twice. She had considered and decided that this summer hadn't been the worst she'd ever had... just the loneliest. She was excited to start sixth year.

Summer hadn't come and gone for James. He found that no matter what he might've done throughout the day to forget his thoughts, they'd always return to him at night and keep him up for much too long a time. He only wished that he could come to a conclusion about his thoughts. But they were all over the place. And so he went into sixth year unsure of what he was going to do.

Of course she'd thought about this day, September first, multiple times. She'd thought about the excitement and the butterflies. She'd thought about the classes and the teachers. She'd thought about the exams and pretty much all one could think about when it came to school. But this summer, she'd thought more about something she'd shied from for the majority of her life: boys. Sure, it hadn't been in a romantic sense, but she'd been thinking about them never the less, two in particular. And she'd decided. She had decided what she would do the next time she would see either of them. Today was the day to publicly articulate those thoughts.

The Hogwarts Express gleamed as red as it had the first time she'd seen it. It was beautiful and big and somewhat scary -scary because it would be taking her to a year of unknown circumstances. But she was ready. Or so she'd thought.

With her trolley and owl safely in place at the back of the train, she walked in search of her best friend, Alice. She looked about the sea of people for Alice's distinct curly brown head but saw no one of the sort. She decided to check the train compartments.

She opened compartment door after compartment door but still no sign of Alice. As she opened the door to the first compartment of the second cart, she found her best friend with her boyfriend, Frank, who had his arm around her shoulder in such a way that made Lily quite jealous. And guess, just guess who else was in the compartment. James Bloody Potter. But this was okay. She'd planned. She'd decided. She knew exactly what she was going to say to him if he talked to her. She would prefer that he never open his mouth in her presence ever again, but that didn't really seem possible, now did it?

"Lily!"

"Alice!"

The shouts that followed pierced like only those of sixteen year old girls.

"Oh, I've missed you so much!"

"I know! I wish we could've spent some time together this summer! I can't wait to tell you about my trip to Paris though. It was amazing!"

"Oh, I can't wait to hear it! I'm so jealous!"

"Oh Lily, I've missed you so much!"

They hugged one another again, and at that, Frank got up to give Lily a hug and kind greeting. There was no doubt who the elephant in the room was..

However, he obviously noticed the weight air because not moments later, James got up and gave a warm yet shy smile and said 'I think I'll go find Sirius. See you all later.' before leaving the compartment.

….um…..

What was that?! He had just walked by Lily like she wasn't even there! He couldn't do that. She had planned. PLANNED for crying out loud. She couldn't let him get away like that. So, after she hastily finished the casual conversation between herself, Alice, and Frank, she excused herself from the compartment and ran after James.

"Potter!"

He stopped where he was, a few compartments ahead of Lily. He looked shocked. In fact, Lily looked sort of shocked herself. She reached him and stood a good distance away from him.

And so she began: "What the hell was that?!"

Now let me tell you, James was expecting outbursts of the sort but not so early into the sixth year that hadn't even officially begun. He looked her straight in her angry eyes and couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked when she was flustered. And so he said the only thing that came to mind.

"Huh?"

"Don't you 'huh' me! How dare you walk past me without a single word? We left things in an awkward situation the last time I saw you, and I spent a long, hard time thinking of the perfect thing to say to you when I'd see you again. And by golly, I'm going to say it!"

"Okay."

"Okay? OKAY?!"

"Um, sorry... Please tell me what you want to say to me."

She eyed him strangely. She looked suspicious. The normal Potter would not be speaking this way to her. He would be witty and would have come up with some crazy story to explain her undying love for him, and that was why she'd spent time thinking of the perfect things to him. He had a clear shot. And all he said was to go ahead and speak? Strange. Very strange.

"Fine. Let me tell you, if… if you think I'm EVER going to forgive you for that stunt you pulled last term, you're wrong. Yes, very wrong. This Lily Evans is done dealing with you and all the stuff you put me through. I want you to stay away from me. I want you to never say another word to me. You are an ego centered maniac, and I never want to spend any additional time than necessary with you. Is that clear? Get your nosy eyes and mouth and ears and nose -yes I know you smell my lovely strawberry smelling hair, but you're going to have to stop because it's creepy and annoying- out of my business. Just leave me alone. Leave me completely alone."

James stared at Lily for a few seconds, and then, to her surprise as well as his own, he said, "It'll be like I don't exist."

Lily looked startled at those words. She quickly composed herself. "Oh. Well then good." And with her nose high in the air, she walked away into Alice's compartment.

James watched her go, a new sadness overcoming him. He suddenly wanted to hurt Snape.

But he wouldn't.

Because anything that has to do with Lily would be out of sight and out of mind.

Or so he thought.

And by the way, that was so NOT the way she'd planned it. But James Potter made Lily do crazy things sometimes.

* * *

><p>Ha. Lily. She's so silly. You know what else is silly? Not leaving a review ;)<p>

All my love!


	3. Chapter 2: Boy Number 2

Here ya go, friends. What do you get when you mix Lily, James, and Snape? DRAMA. Enjoy :D

I do not own Harry Potter or its characters or absolutely anything about it. Except maybe a copy of the books. And movies. Peace. Love. Potter.

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 2: Boy #2<strong>

The train had arrived at King's Cross. It was exactly the way they'd left it, she was angry and sad and hurt, and he was feeling terribly guilty for his words.

"Lily, I need to talk to you."

Boy #2...here we go.

"Alright, Severus. Talk."

She stood there with her arms crossed and all her weight on one leg, the look of impatience.

"Well, ya know, I just… I just kind of, um, ya know, wanted to, um, let that you know that… I wanted to, um -"

"Well, spit it out already. I have places to be, _friends _to talk to." Horrible? Yeah, she knew. But she also knew that he deserved it.

"I wanted to apologize!" Severus said this very quickly, his eyes pouring out his emotions. Lily did not say anything for a while, just stared him up and down, as if surveying his weaknesses and finding the one that would cause the hardest blow. Then:

"Well then, have at it." Her face was impassive, expectant. She held a certain type of superiority in her air. This was not the Lily Evans that Severus knew. The Lily Evans he knew would have smiled and told him everything was okay. She would have taken a carriage with him up to the castle and would have spoken animatedly about her summer holiday, and then, being the polite girl that she is, she would have asked him about his holiday. She would have listened intently and smiled and just enjoyed his company.

No, this was not the Lily Evans he knew. This Lily Evans was cold, a change so drastic from her previous character. But then again, he had not been the Severus Snape that she knew when he called her a filthy Mudblood. So he guessed he deserved it too.

"Alright, um hold on-" He fumbled around through his pockets and pulled out a folded piece of parchment. He struggled to get it open and took a sigh of relief when he finally did. He looked up into Lily's eyes and saw that they had softened the slightest bit. That gave him the hope to go on. "Lily," he began, "Lily, you have been the most important person in my life for the past five years. You have been my sanity with my screwed up family. You have been my Potions partner because no one can keep up with me like you can. Because, you know, we work together like we were built for one another. Your soul...uh, it's the inspiration for my soul. You are so good all the time, and you're my example and my best friend and I love everything about you. I don't care that your blood isn't what they call pure. Because you are the -ah..ah the ink is smudged-" he stared dejectedly at his parchment before crumpling it up. He looked straight into Lily's eyes. "Screw it. Lily, you are my best friend, and I was a total git to you last year and I didn't mean it, and I am quite literally begging for you to forgive me. The words just slipped, and I was stupid, and it was just all so stupid and all my fault. And… and I'm sorry. I'm so utterly and completely sorry." He finished.

And hell if Lily knew what to think right then. She had come into this year absolutely positive that her and Severus were done with no room for questions. But… but he wrote it down? He spent time and wrote a two sided letter (which she was so curious to know what the rest was) and he felt sincerely sorry..? What he said was so, so honest and from his heart and so not something he usually does. He stepped out of his comfort zone. Actually, he more like _leaped _out of it. And now she didn't know what to do. Because she wanted to forgive him, to go back to being friends, to enjoying his company. Because the truth was... that she missed him. But what if he did it again. She didn't know if she could handle this a second time. He had shattered her heart. And if she gave it back to him only to be shattered again, she didn't know if she could handle it.

After an eternity, she finally spoke. "Severus, I-"

"Well look what the cat dragged in. Nice work, Snape. Let's have some fun with the Mudblood. Good way to start the year, eh?" Mulciber glared at Severus as if daring him to question him. Avery and Bellatrix Black stood behind him.

"No, no trouble this early in the year. I was just having a chat with Evans here," Severus said cooly. It always surprised Lily how good of an actor he seemed to be.

"Really?" Bellatrix's voice hissed. "What about?"

"She..uh, she came onto me, begging for our friendship back. And I told the Mudblood to keep her friendship to herself."

And do you know what happened next? They all laughed. They all laughed... at Lily. And she turned beet red and tears began to form in her eyes.

"Silly me to have thought that we could ever be friends again," Lily said, her voice quivering. She could play a part as well, Severus. "Believe me when I say that it'll never happen again." She stared at Snape with a hatred, and he almost cowered under her gaze. Almost.

"Yes, quite silly indeed." The others watched with a guarded amusement. Severus just looked like stone. And Lily, she looked shattered.

"Well, don't worry. You won't ever hear another word from silly old me again." And with one final look around at the others, she clutched her bag and briskly walked away.

Severus stared after her longingly. What had he done?

"Filthy Mudblood, talks to us like she's better than us." _Because she is_, thought Severus.

"Well enough of her!" Bellatrix exclaimed, "Let's head to the castle."

The four of them started toward a carriage when Snape told them that he had forgotten something on the train that he very much needed. He told them to go on without them and they complied easily because honestly, what did they really care for one another's company?

Snape's excuse however had been nothing but an excuse. He hadn't wanted to go to the castle with them because he didn't want to hear anymore of "Mudblood Evans." He just wanted to be alone. Man, did he screw up.

However, Snape was not alone as he learned when while he pretended to walk to the train until the carriage Avery, Black, and Mulciber were in disappeared and then turned to his own carriage only to be shoved up against it by a rough arm pressed against his chest, locking him there.

Because it was not only Avery, Black, Mulciber, Severus, and Lily that had witnessed their transaction. A boy who had quite a low restraint when it came to Lily Evans had seen the entire thing, and it had taken every ounce of his self-control to keep him rooted to the spot all the while reminding himself that it would be four against one (because Lily would definitely not resort to violence), and that was the only thing that kept him there. But when he saw Snape all alone, well, he couldn't very well help himself because one on one was fair even though he was the better -not to mention bigger- wizard.

"What are you doing, Potter?!" Snape struggled against James's hold on him, and spat his name in disgust. James glared at Snape, a manic kind of look upon his face.

"How dare you treat her like that, you slimy, no-good, prick-headed git? How DARE you?!"

"That sounds a lot like the pot calling the kettle black, eh Potter?"

"Oh please-" and it pained him to say this next part, "There's not a single bone in her tiny body that has any sort of trust for me, but _you, _for some reason she chose to trust you with her friendship, and you go and step all over it like it's NO BLOODY BIG DEAL?! Well let me tell you something, Snape, not anymore! You won't ever speak to her again. You won't ever look at her or cause her any more pain, clear?"

"Or what?" Snape demanded. And then James Potter released his arm, and Snape believed that the worst may have been over, but the truth of the matter was that James only released his arm to pull it back and punch Snape straight in the jaw, dislocating it in the process.

"Or you can expect more of that," James replied, with a look of disgust on his face. "Petrificus totalus." Snape froze. And James leviated his body onto the carriage, hopped in, and they rode off to the castle. Once they reached it, James noticed that McGonnagal, Filch, and all the Prefects were outside in the hall. But why…? _Oh.._James thought, _the beginning of the year prank. Whoops, missed that one._ The people turned at the sound of the late arriving carriage and watched as Mr. Potter gracefully arose, kicked Snape for good measure, and casually asked "Take care of that one for me, would ya, Professor?" and just continued on his way.

"Potter!" James turned around at the angry McGonnagal. He raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Detention. Two weeks. Every day. Starting today. Nine o'clock."

James gave a slight wave of acknowledgement before heading into the Great Hall with a satisfied smirk on his face.

* * *

><p>OOOoooo, gotta love James. Like seriously. I absolutely adore him. You know what else I adore? Reviews! Now go type some my friends :)<p> 


	4. Chapter 3: Can't Not Exist Part 1

Hello again! New chapter! It includes seven or eight tons of concealer, syrup, and a couple of Marauders. Enjoy!

No, I do not own anything Harry Potter. Even though I wish I did. Especially James *sigh - fangirling*

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 3: Can't Not Exist Part 1<strong>

It was safe to say that Lily Evans was in shock… in shock and a state of confusion and totally bewildered and just..._what? _Because how, how was it even possible that James Potter, the same James Potter who hated her guts and used his charm to make fun of her, the same James Potter who would never stand up for her, the same James Potter who you should be reminded said he wouldn't EXIST, yeah, that James Potter, beat up Snape for her. Because, that is really the only plausible reasoning for all of this. He did it for her.

And yeah, yeah, he hates Snape like he hates He Who Must Not Be Named, so does he even really need a reason to beat up Snape? Lily thought that yes, yes indeed he did. Because although not many saw the initial happening, the gossip spread like wildfire, and it was just another Potter vs. Snape fiasco. But Lily knew differently. The look on Potter's face told her that it was different. The look on Severus's face once he'd been set free from Potter's curse, the furtive glances he kept giving Lily, almost angry… she just knew that this was different.

And she wanted to know why.

She wanted to go straight up to Potter and demand to know what happened. She wanted to hear his confession and see him squirm under her powerful, superior stance. She wanted him to beg for forgiveness, and tell her that what he did was wrong. And then she wanted to yell at him for doing what was wrong.

...But that, ugh, that was all just a lie. Because the truth was that she was actually very much _grateful_. Words could not even explain how hurt she'd been. She had basically watched Snape rip out her heart, smash it to the ground, and do the tango on it with Bellatrix Black… again. But Lily felt a different emotion as well. It wasn't only hurt and pain like the last time. She had already went through this once, and -she didn't know- she just felt stupid for falling for his act again. And so there was another emotion present. An even more powerful emotion. Anger. And a lot of it. But she knew it wouldn't be wise to let it flare when it was four against one. So she held it together, and got out of there before _she_ would have been the one to dislocate Severus's jaw. And so she felt a certain type of gratitude to James Potter for doing what she didn't have the guts to do. Because the prick deserved it. For once, she felt that Snape deserved what James Potter sent his way. And how screwed up was that?

As Lily Evans lay in her bed listening to the sounds of sleep from her roommates, she couldn't help but think about all these things. What should she do about them? Should she do _anything _about them at all?

She didn't know how long she had tossed and turned around in her bed, but she had eventually fallen asleep. But what was the point of sleep anyways she thought as she applied massive amounts of concealer to hide the bags under her eyes the next morning…

_*From the mind of Lily Evans*_

Ew. It is way too early for me to look this gross. This is not cool. It's the first day. I am supposed to look _presentable, _and I look like a piece of garbage… quite literally. I look crumpled and bag-like… Hmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm. What to do? Well, I'm a witch, aren't I? Yes, I am. I can produce a clothes ironing charm thing, right? Right.

Well, apparently not because as I walk down these grand staircases, I am receiving many a weird and disapproving stares therefore enforcing my earlier opinion of myself, I look like garbage. But, hey, what can ya do? Accept it. _That's _what you can do.

I have decided -which I started to do while tossing and turning last night and finished this morning while applying tons, yeah and I mean a good seven or eight tons, of concealer to hide these hideous bags- that I just don't care. I don't care about James Potter and his thought-provoking ways. I don't care about Severus Snape and his heart-tango-ing ways. I just don't care. I'm going to focus on ME. Yes, me. Because _I _am one very important person. That's right. V.I.P. I'm worth my own attention and a peace of mind. So, I have decided that I will go on with this sixth year of Hogwarts in my normal lady-like fashion and live happily ever after with Dylan White, the most beautiful Ravenclaw boy in the entire world (who is not my boyfriend yet, but will be very soon)! But more on him later. Right now, I have to yell at Sirius Black.

"Black! Stop hogging the maple syrup, would you?"

"Evans!" He shouted with a look of glee. "So good to see you again! Summer hols go well then?"

"They were fine, thank you. Now, may I have the maple syrup please?"

"Hmm, manners, Evans." He raised his eyebrows at me and gave me a cocky grin.

"I said 'please'," I replied in my most aggravated tone.

"No, no, no. I meant, I asked you about your summer hols so it's only polite that you ask me about mine." I surveyed his much too buoyant grin.

"Alright, fine, Black. How were your hols?"

"Can't tell you. It's a secret." And at this he grinned like a complete idiot. And you know what, sometimes my brain just says 'screw lady-like fashion' and forces my limbs to reach over the table for the maple syrup. And you know what else my brain can't help, it's slight cheer and jig at the dejected look on Sirius's face when he'd realised that I'd taken his syrup.

"Hey! I was using that!" He was pouting. Quite literally pouting.

"Black-" I started laughing, "Don't look so put out, I'll bring it back in a second! Hold on-" I began walking towards my plate when he called my name. "Yeah?"

"Why don't you just come sit with me? As you can see, I'm quite lonely this morning, and since we both are so enamored with that fine maple syrup, I see a perfect opportunity for some Marauder-Prefect bonding time."

"You have quite a lot of Marauder-Prefect bonding time with Remus," I stated quite plainly, mostly because I was in a state of shock. I'd never sat with Sirius Black or really any of the Marauders unless it was necessary for class.

"Aw, c'mon, Evans! You know that doesn't count! Come sit with the master of fun!"

I eyed him warily before turning around.

"Evans! Don't be such a-"

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Black. I'm only grabbing my plate," I said before gracefully -psh, yeah right- sitting my bum across from his.

"Ah, yes. See? Now this is the life. Some Gryffindors just sitting, enjoying some pancakes and delightful syrup. Your aura of happiness is already putting me in a much better disposition, I must admit."

"Is that so? And what had you in a less than happy disposition might I ask?"

"Prongs" -aka James "is in a bit more trouble than first thought because of the whole, ehem, Snape business." I saw Sirius tense and look at me as if waiting for me to pick up my plate and dump my sticky pancakes all over his long, elegant hair. Because that was quite Lily of fifth year. But Lily of sixth year, now she was just a bit classier. I settled for _imagining _that I dumped my sticky pancakes through his hair because you know, I didn't, even though I _wanted _to. Like really badly. Instinct. Don't judge, okay?

"Can't say I'm surprised. The boy did turn up with a petrified, beat up boy. That's pretty dramatic in and of itself."

"Yeah, it is. Prongs has never been one for subtlety…"

And then there was an awkward silence. Because what does one say after that without sounding un-lady-like and like the Marauder-loathing Lily of fifth year? Because _I _certainly didn't know. So I just decided to go back to more comfortable territory.

"So what's this secret that is your summer holiday, Black?" I asked, sincerely curious. His mischievous smile that appeared was one that provoked much interest. So I listened with great intent as he relayed the tales of his dramatic and exciting summer life.

And he really did lead quite the extraordinary life. Pureblood manics for parents. Marauder adventures. Motorbikes. I don't know how long we sat there talking, but I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself. And I know that I seem quite calm about all of this. But I'm not. Because I had just had a quite pleasant conversation with a Marauder. A very handsome Marauder (not that I think of him _that _way! Jeesh, have some faith in me!). And with the bare minimum of snide, little comments. This was very strange to say the least.

It was actually so pleasant that it had me wondering why I had set it in my brain to hate this boy. And THAT had me wondering that if Sirius wasn't that bad, maybe I had misjudged all of them. Maybe they were all rather decent and just...got off the good road every once in a while. Of course, I always knew Remus was decent, in fact more than decent. He was actually a rather brill bloke. But maybe one messy, black-haired boy who just maybe defended me wasn't bad.

NO. WHAT AM I SAYING?! These are the MARAUDERS. I don't _like _the Marauders. Like, at all. Except for Remus on occasion. But yeah. I do not like them. There was no way I could just forget everything they'd done to both me and Severus. And yes, it's a given that I don't like Severus _now _but I liked him _then_. And it just wasn't okay the things they did.

And yes, so maybe I had ONE decent conversation with Black. That doesn't make him my friend. No, it was just.. just two Gryffindors, two human beings having the same breakfast because they wanted the same syrup. That was it.

I gotta get out of here before anything crazy happens.

"Well, I'm gonna head-"

"Hey, Padfoot," No bloody way. "Evans," he said after a moment of indecision. He looked quite bewildered, in shock, astounded, and the thirty or so other synonyms that I don't much feel like listing. Because had I not been Lily Evans -which I ever so wished for- and had seen Lily Evans speaking with Sirius Black, laughing and smiling and enjoying themselves, I wouldn't have believed it either.

I don't know why I got so clammed up then because Black and I had been in the very public Great Hall for the past forty minutes or so. But now that it was made public to _him_, it just got significantly awkward.

"Prongsie!" Sirius jumped out of his seat and hugged the boy. "You're alive!" He exclaimed dramatically. "Come, you must have some pancakes and syrup!" Sirius pushed him into a seat and starting shoving food on a new plate as if he were James's mum. "I was just telling Evans here of my new motorbike!"

"Is that so?" Potter asked uncertainly, glancing from Sirius to myself, making me quite uncomfortable.

"Yeah! She was about to help me with a protection sp-"

"Actually-" I interrupted. I definitely could NOT handle this. "I was just heading off to my first lesson…" Sirius looked taken aback. And Potter gave me a questioning look. I squirmed. "I'll see you later." I quickly grabbed my bag and turned to leave.

"Evans! Transfiguration first?" This from Sirius. I fumbled with my schedule, all the while biting my lip, hoping, _praying_, that the answer would be 'no'.

"Yeah, it is…"

Sirius's face lit up and Potter's… was quite impassive actually.

"Great, love! We'll see you there!"

I gave a half-hearted smile and left the Great Hall, all the while feeling someone's gaze upon my retreating figure. Or maybe it was just paranoia.

* * *

><p>I just love Sirius. I really do. I promise there will be more of him throughout this fanfic! But until then, review!<p>

All my love!


	5. Chapter 4: Can't Not Exist Part 2

WOW. Four chapters (and a prologue) in a row. Impressive. Ha, not really. I've seriously had these laying around for years, decided I'd give them a quick read, a quick edit, and then just thought, heck, why don't I post them? So here they are! I'm working on the fifth chapter right now. But until then, enjoy!

I do not own Harry Potter or anything in the Harry Potter world.

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 4: Can't Not Exist, Part 2<strong>

_*Still from the mind of one Lily Evans*_

Not good...Not good. Like at all.

Lily Charlotte Evans, you did NOT have a pleasant time talking to a handsome Marauder. You did NOT smile and giggle and blush like an embarrassed first year (and if you did, you will grovel and beg for forgiveness from every higher power that you can think of for your misdoings). And you most definitely do not, I repeat, do NOT ever wish to have such an encounter with said Marauder(s) ever again, and will work your butt off to make sure that it never happens. Ever. Again. Clear? Yes. Then good.

"Hey Evans! I am taking it upon myself to keep you company."

Kill me now.

"Black, it really isn't necessary. I'm sure Alice will be along soon enough." Please leave.

"Ah but I'm sure Griffiths would much rather sit with Longbottom, although we both know that she is utterly and completely misinformed about who is better company. Because let me tell you, your company, m'dear, is one of much desire."

I sighed very loudly, and the git smiled knowingly. Merlin, help me. "Sirius…"

"Yes?" He smiled from ear to ear. I just couldn't help it. SUE ME, conscience!

"Fine, you can sit here." He did a little celebratory jig, and I began to laugh, my mind completely lost on what exactly sitting next to Sirius Black would mean.

Because not, count them, twenty-eight seconds later, guess, just guess who bloody well decided to walk in. And guess, just GUESS what idiot sitting beside me had to shout and holler for the other idiot to come join us.

Conscience… shut it.

I then grabbed a piece of parchment and began to scribble wildly, so wildly in fact that I didn't hear how the chair scraped against the floor when a certain someone who should not be EXISTING pulled it out from under the desk, so wildly that I didn't hear his bookbag crash to the floor with some weird, neurotic sound, so wildly that I missed every last word of their conversation until my name was mentioned.

I looked up innocently.

"Huh?"

"I _said_," Sirius began, "What in Merlin's name are you writing about?"

I only shrugged. But that apparently did not due for Sirius Black. He snatched the parchment out from under my hand.

"Hey!"

"Blimey! _The Last Will and Testament of Lily Charlotte Evans?_!? Bloody hell, Evans, we're not going to _murder_ you!"

I huffed and grabbed the parchment from his manly hands with a "-yeah we'll see about that" under my breath.

And then Sirius barked out his laughter.

"It is not funny!" And then he grabbed my will once again and stood up on his stool, reading what I'd written in a funny accent. Everyone turned around in their seats to watch with much amusement.

"Black! Black, you give that back to me right now!" And before I knew it, I was on my stool bending every which way in an attempt to retrieve my parchment. "Ugh, Black give it back!"

"Hold on, love, I'm getting to the good part! Hey Prongs, take a look at this!" He bent and handed my parchment to Potter. NO! Oh my Merlin, he is NOT allowed to see that.

"Potter," he looked up into my eyes and I gave my best innocent, pleading look. "Please-"

He looked up at Black who was still smiling, and then looked at me again. And then, do you know what he did? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID?! I'll tell you what he did.

"Sirius, leave Evans alone." And then he handed my parchment back to my jaw-dropped self. "Come on, Padfoot. You've had your fun." And then he got up, grabbed his bookbag and sat at the table nearest to the back of the room.

_That's_ what he did.

"See ya later, doll face." Sirius winked at me and then followed Potter to the back.

I should not be bothered by this. I should NOT be bothered by this.

But I am. SO totally bothered.

Because honestly, Potter had a very clear shot at my red (currently on all accounts) head. His bullets were right there, in black and white, and I quite literally saw it in my head how he would have taken my will and made me the joke of the school forever. BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT HE DID, NOW WAS IT? And it's insanely weird that that's not what he did…

I am… confused.

Alice walked in only a few moments later and sat by my still-fuming person.

"Hey Lily! How was your- Hey, what's wrong?"

I gave a quick glance around the room and noticed a few more prying eyes, the buggers.

"I'm fine. Yes, fine. Uh… I'll tell you the details later, k?"

She looked at me knowingly. And then she rolled her eyes. Um. Rude.

"Lily, whatever it is. Relax. You're probably just overthinking it. You know, like you usually do."

"I'll have you know Alice Griffths that this is infact NOT like usual! This is very nerve-wracking. All my previous woes seem quite sub par in relation to today's events."

"Is that so? Well then, I can't wait to hear this story."

"It's quite the tale-"

"Good morning, class." And in walks Professor McGonagall. Time for class. Bye.

* * *

><p>Transfigure your thoughts into a review for me, would ya? Thanks :)<p>

All my love.


	6. Chapter 5: The Library

Happy Sunday, friends! Here's a new chapter for all of you fanfic folks. Enjoy!

I do not own anything Harry Potter. Sadly.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5 - The Library<strong>

Well! The first day of classes has come to an end, thank Merlin. And actually, it wasn't too terrible. It's just the load of homework these teachers expect us to keep up with! My goodness, it's not even NEWT year! Like. Seriously. Stop.

I am currently on my way to the library to work on this said homework. It is about 5:03 in the evening. Lovely. Just lovely.

Yes. Indeed. Quite pleasantly...lovely.

….

But do you know what ISN'T lovely? Boys with extremely messy, jet-black hair 1) coming to your rescue with their punch-throwing fists, 2) acting like angels sent from above when a certain will and testament is being read aloud to the entire Transfiguration class, embarrassing you to more than when your knickers were on display for the whole Gryffindor common room (yes sadly, that actually did happen), and 3) occupying 89.74% of Lily Evans's brain capacity when in all actuality, they are supposed to, you know, NOT exist.

You know, I was actually doing quite well. The classes had really taken my mind off of the drama of last night's and this morning's events. It had been a much needed break from reality. I was quite content.

That IS until a certain Alice Griffths dragged me to the girl's dorm and demanded to hear every sodding detail of the past two days, and then continued on by saying that James Potter was a sweet boy and that she thinks it was all very noble of him.

Can we just… take a moment.

…

Maybe one more moment.

…

JAMES POTTER?! SWEET?! JUST ABOUT AS SWEET AS VERNON DURSLEY'S STOMACH ACID. And you know, ew. Anything inside of Vermin's plump being is just...ew. Which makes James Potter just equally (if not more) "ew."

But gosh darned it, even though I do not agree with Alice Griffths (Psh. Yah, I know. I bet you're wondering, "What happened to the Lily of last night who decided that she loved everything James Potter had done in response to the horrible encounter with Snape?" Well that Lily is GONE, because that Lily was tired and emotionally unstable and just completely out of her mind. Because James Potter? No, he will never be sweet. He will always be the boy that she'd known for the past 5 years: the boy who made fun of her and her friend, who had asked her out on a daily basis just to get a rise out of her and a laugh from their peers. James Potter was and will forever be a toerag.) ...uh where was I? Oh yes, even though I do not agree with Alice, she has indeed planted the seed that is "THINK OF JAMES POTTER AND ALL OF HIS CONFUSING-ness."

After that occurrence, I decided to ditch my so-called "friend" and take in the company of some old Charms books and Madame Pince who I so dearly missed over the summer.

Okay. So that was kind of a lie.

In all actuality, I suppose the better term might be..hmmm what is it? Oh yes, hiding? Yes, I think that's the one. Hiding from my problems, and certain friends who aren't really being friends at the moment, and certain boys who confuse me, and from, you know, LIFE. Yes, I know. I am pitiful. Sue me.

I have now reached the library. It is quite a beautiful place, really. It has hundreds upon hundreds of books for me to enjoy in its quiet serenity. This is the life.

OR AT LEAST IT WOULD BE IF CERTAIN SECOND YEAR GIRLS WEREN'T WHISPERING AND GIGGLING ABOUT SOME BOY IN THE TRANSFIGURATION SECTION.

I mean, seriously. Girls, we need to get our act together. We need to stick together and fight towards a race of empowered female witches, one where men are in control no longer. No matter how "exquisite his bum" may appear (for that is indeed what they were whispering about), we cannot allow him control over our hearts. Who is this boy anyways-

ohmygosh. OH MY GOSH. Forget everything I just said. Second year girls, you know exactly what you're talking about. But stop talking about him because he is MINE.

Look at him, with his curly brown hair falling slightly over his big, brown eyes which are so intently reading some boring old book when instead they could be...I don't know, BORING INTO MY SOUL. Gosh, he's handsome. The way he's leaning on that book shelf, shoulders broad and muscular. Mmm. And that jaw, oh that jaw.

I think I may have just whimpered.

Oh yes, I certainly did whimper. And quite loudly, I might add. So loudly in fact that he just looked up. HE JUST LOOKED UP. Oh my Merlin, Lily. LOOK DOWN AND PRETEND IT WAS NOT YOU.

I am scribbling furiously to draw attention away from my blushing face. He won't notice. He can't notice. I mean of course I want him to notice me, but not _today_. Not when I still look like a crumpled garbage bag and the eight tons of concealer on my eyes have started to wrinkle away. I look bad, and I feel icky, and he is absolutely not allowed to-

"Hey, could I sit here? All the other desks are either taken or extremely close to that super loud group of girls, and I really need to get some work done."

This is not happening. Nope. Not possible. It's a dream. It has to be a dream.

Crap. He's waiting for an answer. Even if it is a dream, you have to give him an answer, Lily. Speak. Any day. Or you know, now would be nice.

I finally tried to speak, but this weird croaking sound came out. UM. Embarrassing. He looked so patient, but I bet he was just thinking about what a horrible decision it had been for him to choose this particular table with this unfortunate girl to sit at.

I cleared my throat, and put on my best, welcoming smile and said, "Of course you can sit here."

"Thanks," he said, smiling and taking a seat, only to half raise himself out of it and lean across the table. He held his hand out to me and said, "I'm Dylan White, by the way."

I wiped my hand on my skirt quickly before shaking his, and blushed to the tips of my hair while saying, "Hi, I'm Lily Evans."

"I know." And he plopped himself back into his seat.

He knew who I was? I felt a sense of pride and excitement. I didn't think he even knew I existed let alone knew my actual name.

"You do?"

"Yeah, the Evans-Potter feuds are legendary. Of course I know who you are."

I nearly groaned aloud at hearing that response.

"Oh, I see…" I let my head fall and averted my eyes back to my work.

"Uh, sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No... it's fine. I just need to finish this work is all."

And the table went silent except for the sound of my quill -and soon enough Dylan's quill as well- scratching along the parchment.

I hate James Potter. I've waited five years of my life to talk to Dylan White, FIVE YEARS, and today I finally got the chance. And what do we end up talking about? My terrible history with James Potter. Of course I can't blame Dylan for knowing about mine and Potter's...uh acquaintance. There really is no doubt that news of our bickers have spread like wildfire in the past. I'm just so embarrassed. I bet all Dylan thinks of me is that I'm a stupid girl who can't bloody keep her not-really-relationship business out of everyone else's. I can't sit here. I have got to go. Yes, I'm going.

At my getting up, Dylan caught my gaze. His face looked a little flustered as well.

"Where are you going? You're not leaving because of me, are you? I can move to a different spot; this was your table first."

"No, no, I'm not leaving because of you," LIE. "I'm just heading down to dinner. I'm a little hungry." TRUTH.

"Is it really time for dinner already?" He checked his watch. "Well I suppose it is."

Awkward pause.

"Would you like to come down to dinner with me?" …...STUPID MOUTH. You did NOT just say that. You are embarrassed, REMEMBER?!

"Actually, I'd really like to stay up here a little longer and finish this assignment." And even though my brain was happy at Dylan's refusal, my heart plummeted. "But thanks, anyways."

I began to walk away, broken and garbage-bag-like when he called my name. I turned to face him. "Hmm?"

"How about lunch?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

He stared at his fidgeting fingers before looking at me again and said, "Would you like to have lunch with me tomorrow? We can walk together after Charms. I, uh, noticed you're in my class. Would that be alright?"

Pshhh he NOTICED I was in his Charms? He's asking me to have lunch with him?! What is life?

I probably looked like a fish out of water, opening and closing my mouth like a MILLION times. But can you BLAME me? I was in shock.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. I was just thinking that maybe we could get to know each other, is all. I'm...well to be honest, I'm kind of curious about you, Lily Evans."

Yah. The gaping mouth? BACK.

"Um… Curious, how exactly?"

"Well there's no doubting you're beautiful. Then there's the fact that you're smarter than any other student in this whole school. You're kind to a fault. And well...you've never had a boyfriend. It makes me curious. And well, let's face it. I've always had a soft spot for redheads with mismatched socks."

I looked down and sure enough, yellow and green socks emerged from opposite shoes. As if I wasn't blushing enough…

"Uh, that wasn't on purpose." Eloquent speech. Thy name is not Lily.

But Dylan laughed and smiled and shook his head at me, making me blush further.

"So what do you say, Lily? Lunch tomorrow?"

And finally…

"I'd love that."

* * *

><p>Who says libraries can't be fun? Do you know what's fun-er? Reviews!<p>

All my love!


End file.
